1. |
National Weed Anthem
04:11
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I know I’m late
I kinda missed the date
I think it was October 28
Now it’s ok I’ve got my shit together
I’ve written my song – better late than never
It’s Weed Day, Weed Day, grab yourselves a bong
Stoned or sober, you can sing along
It’s Weed Day, Weed Day, grab yourselves a bong
Sing along with the national weed anthem
In Ontario, they’re kind of slow
They want to stop the kids from smoking blow
Hold on though – it wasn’t that long ago
They elected a cokehead mayor of Toronto
Out in Alberta, they want some oil
The cannabis kind burns well on foil
Just lean in and inhale
We’ll use that new pipeline to bring our goods to sale
There hasn’t been a wave of destruction or hate
Society has not fallen apart – though it’s never too late
Our brains have not all turned mushy as peas
We have not become all New Age-y – spare me that please!
I could use some workshops to learn how it’s done
I haven’t rolled a joint since 1991
Now I’m getting older I feel like a jerk
There’s gotta be a way to make this stuff work
I don’t want to stand outside in the cold
For a few tokes on a joint that’s badly rolled
And vaping is just wanton air pollution
I’m getting the feeling that baking is the solution
It’s Weed Day, Weed Day, grab a space cake
Whatever, at least you’re awake
It’s Weed Day, Weed Day, don’t act dumb
Sing along with the National Weed Anthem
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2. |
Oh Justin
04:27
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Oh Justin
Oh Justin,
you are so disappointing
You’re supposed to be the Messiah
Not a big fat liar
I know it’s tough at the top
The criticism you’ve coped
But you’ve got to admit you’ve done a bad thing
Covering up for SNC Lavalin
Oh Justin,
You are so disappointing
You’re supposed to be the chosen one
Not a smoking gun
I know it’s something about Libya
About how you put pressure
On ministers
Because of jobs
Whatever it was you’re in trouble
Look humble
Oh Justin, you are so disappointing
You’re supposed to be the solution
But people want oil without pollution
You picked the wrong women to fight
And kicked them out out of spite
Now everyone’s on your back
Every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jack
Oh Justin, you are so disappointing
Now you’re going to sue,
But you know that just won’t do
You need some Russians onside
Just to stem the tide
Go get some bots and some trolls
You’ll be riding high in the polls
So Justin, even though you are so disappointing
I’d rather you weren’t brought down
Cos the opposition leader is a clown
Never fear
This is Canada
It could never happen here
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3. |
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Raise the straight flag
In the village of Chipman, New Brunswick
Eleven men laid a plan
You might say it was a bit thick
In hindsight we all can
They were worried about discrimination
That’s based on sexuality
They worry that they face annihilation
If they can’t express who they want to be
So since they felt uptight
They raised a flag of black and white
To express their pride
It’s ok -- nobody died
Chorus:
They said
Let’s raise the straight flag
No hate or harm intended
Let’s raise the straight flag
So we can all feel accepted
Well, the flag was a huge success
It stayed up for one whole day
It was only because of the bad press
That they made us take it away
Of course we were right
To hide in plain sight
So everyone can see
We just want equality
[Chorus]
I guess some people won’t understand
They’ll wave their rainbow flag
They’ll tell us that we’re all wrong
Somebody might even write a song
But we’re not against gay people
Or whatever they’re called
But we still believe
It’s against God’s law
So we’ll raise the straight flag
This little town starts the resistance
We’ll raise the straight flag
This little town will go the distance
Let’s not raise the straight flag
Then there'll be no harm intended
Let’s not raise the straight flag
Let's make sure everyone feels accepted
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4. |
TaKe BAck COntroL
04:33
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There’s been tension for some time
At least on one side
Now emotions have boiled over
The white cliffs of Dover
I’m gonna take back control
I don’t even know what I’m saying
I’m gonna take back control
Tell me what kind of game I’m playing
She is part of the matriarchy
She wants me to sit down when I pee
Now I’m going to stand up
Once I’ve pressed the flush
F C
But sometimes I really really want to leave the dirty dishes in the sink
Am G
I want to be left alone by myself to think
F C
She welcomes all these new people to the neighbourhood
Am G
She’s just too frickin good
I’m always looking over my shoulder
She checks on me even more now I’m older
She says she’s making me healthier and safer
She likes controlling my behaviour
We’ve been together for so long
That we even co-wrote this song
She wrote the verse and the chorus
I’m just fucking it up for all of us
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5. |
Gambler
04:06
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Gambler
This has been a challenging time
Though I’m already six foot nine
I have grown
I have grown
My fortunes have seen their rise and fall
But like an Empire I still stand tall
I thank God for his infinite grace
May he put me in my rightful place
I’m a gambler, I’m a gambler,
I’m a gambler and I’m your MP
I’m a gambler, I’m a gambler
Would you place your bet on me?
Every day across from Parliament Hill
I go to the Casino and I have my fill
Of blackjack till I lose my shirt and coat
Then I go back to the House and vote
From left and right I borrow money
Don’t care about your political ideology
I once was a Liberal so it’s funny
How careless I could be with other people’s money
The party knows I’m an embarrassment
The Mounties are after me – I look spent
Only one way out when you are so bent
Turn yourself into an Independent
Now they want me to resign
Gimme that phone so I can gamble online
Cos the next decision is in play
Do we build a pipeline or let it go away?
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6. |
Montreal Winter
03:50
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Montreal Winter
Leonard Cohen was from Montreal
Now I understand it all
Montreal winter she is cruel
She can tear you apart and take you for a fool
She will keep you awake for hours
As she grinds the street of your soul
Your emotions are in tatters
You don’t know what matters
You’re like a car towed away in the night
You failed to see the signs right
Montreal winter
You’ve been testing me
To see
How hard I can become
Montreal winter
I’m in your cold embrace
But I can’t see your face
I’ve been wearing the same thick pair of socks
For the last six months
I’ve had the same sick body for weeks
Beneath the sheets
When you release me from your clinch, I’ll say
Montreal winter
You’ve been testing me
To see
How soft I can become
Montreal winter
Windblast my eyes
Cut me down to size
Montreal winter,
I could go to Berlin like Bruce Millar
Or retreat to Costa Rica
I could get on a freight train with Marc
Travelling across the dark
Like Brandon Michaels I could go to BC
Just to be by the ocean
But I’m staying here
I like the internal commotion
Montreal winter
You’ve been testing me
To see
How young I can become
Montreal winter
I’ve put on my Velcro shoes
To sing the blues
Montreal winter
My heart is on the floor
I did play the Yellow Door
Montreal winter
Are you leaving me?
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7. |
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Don’t eat chocolatines on the metro
The other day as I was uptown
I realised I was hungry I could feel my stomach growl
So I popped into the nearest bakery
I asked for my favourite treat
A chocolatine with sugar topping
Then I went to the metro and took my seat without stopping
The carriage was pretty full
Would it be too shitty
To munch my snack in close proximity to other people
But the signs on the wall say - monsieur
Certains comportements sont en voie de disparition
Don’t swing on the bars like a monkey
Don’t wear your backpack if it’s too chunky
Don’t play your music unless it’s nice and low
And – don’t eat chocolatines in the metro
Just as I take my first bite
The sugar explodes to my right
It goes all over the jacket of the guy
Next to me he can’t understand why
His black jacket
Looks like it’s been attacked
By dandruff or cocaine
I try to explain
Now everybody averts their gaze
I say “pardon” when I should say “desolé”
Now he’s getting up and talking on his phone
Chocolatine … sucre … nouveau veston
A B
But the sign on the wall says - monsieur
Csharp min E B
Certains comportements sont en voie de disparition
Don’t swing on the bars like a monkey
Don’t wear your backpack if it’s too chunky
Don’t play your music unless it’s nice and low
And – don’t eat chocolatines in the metro
Like I said everyone’s gaze is averted
I feel like I’ve done something perverted
I think maybe I should just subvert it
The etiquette police have not been alerted
It’s just my personal shame
I know for you it would never be the same
And the sign on the wall says - monsieur
Certains comportements sont en voie de disparition
Don’t swing on the bars like a monkey
Don’t wear your backpack if it’s too chunky
Don’t play your music unless it’s nice and low
And – don’t eat chocolatines in the metro
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Chas Warlow Richmond, UK
Chas Warlow is a British singer/songwriter who writes and performs original comic songs.
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